As a nurse, learning how to deal with stupid shit becomes your speciality. You will face funny and ridiculous situations every single day, most of which will leave you face palming and just muttering WTF? Here are the most common types of people that nurses have to deal with daily:
1. The one who yells NERS all day!
Some patients think that shouting NERS at the top of their lungs every 5 seconds is the way to go. I am here to tell you its not ? Don’t and I repeat DO NOT SHOUT in a hospital unless its an emergency. You will irritate the nurses and everyone else around you. So please for the love of god stop shouting NERS for useless reasons!
2. The one who does not speak to doctors
*Doctor spends 15 minutes explaining the patient’s situation and the treatment plan to the patient and relatives*
Doctor: “OK, have you understood everything? Any questions?”
Patient/Relatives: “Yes, I understood everything, and I don’t have any questions thank you!”
*2 minutes after the doctor leaves the room*
Patient: Hey nurse, what did the doctor say?
3. The one who doesn’t suffer from anything
Nurse: Hello dear, do you suffer from any conditions?
Patient: No I am perfectly healthy
Nurse: OK, do you take any regular medication?
Patient: Yes, of course, I take.. *Proceeds to list 10 medications*
Nurse: So you do have health problems?
Patient: No everything is fine since I started taking the pills
4. The funny one
Nurse: “Are you allergic to anything?”
Patient: “Yes, my wife and my bills.”
Nurse: “Haha, So funny.”
5. The liar
There are two types of these patients:
Those who are perfectly fine all day, but get pain and feel sick when their relatives visit
Those who cry out in pain all day, but feel perfectly OK when the doctor comes
Either type are just liars and annoying
6. The one who’s nephew works in the medical field
We get relatives coming up to us and leading with “I am Grace’s nephew, and I work in the medical field, so I understand things, can you show me her file?”
Listen up, if you work in the medical field, then you should know better than anyone else that files are confidential. Also, you should learn more about manners, and if you think you can care for the person better than by all means do so.
7. The one who just doesn’t understand simple questions
Nurse: Can you give me an emergency contact number?
Nurse: Ok and who’s number is that?
8. The one who tries to be smart
Nurse: You can not eat bread if you are diabetic, it will raise your sugar levels
Patient: Don’t worry it’s not sweet dough
9. The one that makes you want to face palm
Nurse: The doctor has explained that your husband has problems in his prostate
Patient’s wife: Oh I must have the same problem then because I have the same symptoms
BONUS: The one who asks stupid questions
Patient: “So is your husband, a doctor?”
Patient: “But you’re so smart, why aren’t you a doctor?”
Nurse: So I can take care of you
Patient: “Have you met my son? He’s single”
Nurse: No bye
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